So DW and I talked to her cousin the other night.
It was one of those few moments where I am very, VERY thankful that I am on this site and that you all have given me some keen insights into my own situation. Without it, I don?t think I would have been able to answer DW?s cousin?s questions.
The night started very well with a BBQ (I made my whiskey ribs) and the kids playing hide and seek in the back and front yards. After the night wound down and the kids were put to bed, our conversation turned a bit more serious.
At some point, our conversation turned to parenting, to which DW?s cousin asked.
?Do you two fight a lot over SS??
DW and I both responded at the same time ?YES!!!!?
DW?s cousin then began to say that she is dating a guy who already has a 10-year-old daughter.
?It?s getting pretty serious.? DW?s cousin admitted. ?I?ve met his daughter and he has met my two kids. However we are both ? I don?t know ? wary.?
?Wary of becoming a blended family?? I asked.
?Yes! That?s it.? DW?s cousin stated. ?Even when I was with my ex, I made all the parenting decisions. He just went along with whatever I decided. Even on issues I felt needed some discussion, he just wouldn?t want to because he couldn?t be bothered. So I had parenting control over everything. However this guy I am dating, he is VERY proactive with the kids. He?s attentive, he plays with them,?.uhm.?
?He disciplines them?? I added.
?Yeah! It is just not something I am used to.?
?What about your own parents?? I asked. ?Did only one of the parents do all the child rearing, or did your mother and father share that responsibility??
?My Mom was a single mother.? She said. ?My father left me when I was 6?
?Oh gosh! I am so sorry!? I said. ?I had no idea?I thought maybe you could use your own parents as a model on how to share parenting responsibilities, but you really are venturing into unknown territory!?
?Yeah, and that is what scares me!? DW?s cousin said. ?I fear that I might be a ?control freak? since I am so used to having control over everything.?
?Have you talked to your Boyfriend about this?? DW asked. ?Because Drac0 and I talk all the time. We may not always agree, because his views on parenting, *especially* education is far different than mine. But we always talk and somehow we always find a compromise.?
?Plus, at the end of it all.? I added ?DW and I both want the same thing for all our kids.?
As we continued to talk, I began *seeing* this site in my head. I began thinking of all the SM?s I read about and how they went into relationships with their husbands/boyfriends thinking that they will be the ideal blended family but found themselves unprepared for the challenges of Stepdoom. Granted each of our experiences are different, but here I was talking to a woman who was about to become a stepmom herself. Plus, if you consider her experience about sharing parenting responsibilities, I still felt wholly inadequate to give her any advice apart from If you love him, and he loves you, you both will overcome any parenting challenges you will face.
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