by Guest Author Johanna van Zanten
?I have used matchmaking sites on the Internet off and on for a number of years and have had several good dates. ?I started a relationship with a new partner from those sites twice. ?The first one lasted 4 ? years, during which we broke up once and had a half year hiatus from the relationship. ?The second one lasted a few months. ?This post is about my experiences, but rather than sharing the problems I had, I will look at the positive side of things and project the ideal date, from my point of view. ?Anybody with other ideas can jump in and comment; it might make for a fun and interesting discussion.
This man is very likely over 60, as I am, and I already would have screened out anybody below the age of 55-ish, although I do peek at those over 50 who contact me on my online website. ?Anybody that I would want to meet would look quite trim, has looked after himself and works out regularly to stay healthy and fit, and enjoys some forms of physical recreation?walking, golfing, skiing, and what have you.? He has a reasonable standard of living, at least as far as one can determine that in the early stages of dating.? This man would contact me with an email and not just by sending me a noncommittal ?wink? (which I believe can be extended for free). ?In this age group, it?s wiser to leave the initiative to the man, although I have occasionally taken the initiative, but never with positive results.
He makes some positive remarks on my profile, photos, or activities and is quite articulate in his writing. ?He has actually read my profile and compared the details on my site with what he likes, and these are overlapping at least on a few areas. ?He is educated, independent, and not looking to replace a lost partner with a similar person. ?He can take a compliment, as well. ?He is interested in finding out what kind of a personality I have and accepts me for who I am.? He takes no offense at our differences, but instead enjoys uniqueness in each person. ?He is relaxed and tolerant, regardless of his political colors.
He would like to meet soon and is not interested in endless correspondence. ?This means that he is not afraid to travel if he lives some distance away. ?In time, I would also take my share of the travel, if we hit it off and mutually agree to continue a relationship. ?No, he doesn?t expect me to move in after the first date to take over his housekeeping duties.? This man wants to develop a friendship first and get to know each other, but not too long thereafter, possibly by the third date?that old standard?we will have sex. ?Why waste time?
Younger people might laugh and think: ?Duh! ?But unencumbered sex between older people is not a given, might even be a feat, something which is clear to anybody who has survived that many years and experienced trouble with hormonal, metabolic, or circulatory functioning that shows up as erectile dysfunction or as pain with intercourse. ?Of course, the benefits of Cialis and the little blue pill, Viagra, are advertised widely enough, and women can resort to Vagifem, but those solutions are not in every case suitable or addressing the problems. ?
Surgery for prostate problems might end up in permanent ED and essential meds can cause it as well. ?So let?s assume that no other problem exists with his health that is chronic or permanent or worse, terminal. ?So far, so good. ?He smells nice, is healthy, has great personal hygiene and dresses well, has healthy, nice teeth and not to forget, changes his clothes at least daily.
I don?t think many people will admit up front to having any of the above problems. ?I wish they did, as it might prevent awkward and painful situations and lousy dates.
Imagine we passed the third date with success. ?That would have been a date where we spent more time together, possibly on a short trip. ?He needs to do the driving, but can also relax and let me do some of the driving (or whatever needs to be done). ?He is not a workaholic!? He likes hot weather and is adaptable, is open to exploring foreign and exotic foods and different cultures with an open mind.
This man can freely talk about the ending of his past marriage but not too much or too often?I really do not need to know what he thought, felt, or did with her every time we do something together.? He can listen to my story without fear that I would become clingy or dependent on him for all my needs, without me needing a commitment from him or needing to commit myself. ?He can stop me when I ramble or take off on a pet peeve (I will, at times), and he is open to stating his own fears, hesitations, and wishes. ?No, I don?t need a girlfriend to discuss and analyze everything in a relationship?I have those already and will keep them, too?but want a man who can admit to his faults and express some basic thoughts/feelings.
Eventually, we would meet his friends and my friends and do the social interaction thing as a couple in groups. ?He would introduce me to his friends and not hide me, and not ignore me completely while he is entertaining his friends, nor would he cling to me every minute of the event. ?He spends time on his own and I do too, plenty of it, actually. ?He enjoys music and we enjoy some concerts together. ?We would feel comfortable doing some socials together and doing some of our activities on our own. ?His children would accept me for whom I am and I would his.
If we get past these stages in good shape and still like each other, we might start talking about living together at some point. ?I am completely unsure about that stage and have not yet gotten to that point after my divorce more than a decade ago. ?The glitches can be many, and boy, oh boy, you need to forget all those to still want to continue in the dating game after 60. ?Yet, I, as well as millions of other 60-plus women and men, am out there looking for a partner to share my senior years. ?Still crazy after all those years, I guess?.
Book Info:???
On Thin Ice: short stories of life and dating after 50 by Johanna van Zanten is a novel-in-stories about the adventures of boomer Adrienne?her life, her relationships, and the chances she took.? Her journey in this book spans both time and distance, from her 20?s to her 50?s, from Europe to Western Canada.
For more info, check the novel?s website: http://babyboomerwrites.com/.
This is Johanna?s debut novel and was published earlier this year as an ebook.? Her next novel is scheduled for publication in March 2013 with the title Losing Dad, Finding Dad.
Author Info:
Johanna van Zanten grew up in the Netherlands and came of age in the late sixties. ?She graduated from the Rietveld Academy for applied arts in Amsterdam, after which she worked in a therapeutic group home for drug addicts. ?She immigrated to Canada where she also obtained a Bachelor?s degree in social work. ?Since then, she has worked in child protection.??
She discovered her passion for creative writing three years ago when she completed intensive summer courses with authors Laisha Rosnau at UBC-Okanagan and Dona Sturmanis at Okanagan College.? Johanna?s stories have been published in online and printed magazines.? She received an honorary mention in the Glimmer Train contest for new authors, and one of her stories was short-listed in the short story contest in 2011 with CBC/UBCO/OC.?
Johanna has a blog where she writes about what interests and moves her in the world. http://www.babyboomerwrites.wordpress.com.
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Source: http://boomersandbooks.wordpress.com/2012/10/22/dating-after-sixty-my-second-time-around/
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